I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
