dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
His hands were made for my vagina.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
