the condom got lost in my hair
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
