maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
