Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
