shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
