He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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