this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
