he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
