I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
