You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
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