he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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