hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
