i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
