so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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