There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
