Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
