epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
love makes seman taste better
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
