great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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