The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
