Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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