Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
