The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
