Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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