You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
