The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just want nice things and good sex
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
