a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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