I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
