textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
