I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
