She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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