it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
