I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
