My room smells like vodka and shame
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
