I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
