I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
