my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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