is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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