its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
