All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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