Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
