So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
