Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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