Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
