She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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