we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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