Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
