There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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