Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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