I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
