God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
